For once I wish I could sleep with nothing on my mind.
Hmm I just woke up in the middle of the night and I can’t get back to sleep. So I thought I’d come to my happy place and write down whatever my brain is keeping me awake for, it might help. I got nothing but sleep to lose really. Which isn’t so bad. Of course I wouldn’t be saying that when I get up in 4 hours. But oh well.
So I’m completely directionless at the moment. I mean, I know why and what I’m doing but I feel like I want more. I’m happy with my life, don’t get me wrong. I love my family and friends. I love this country, bored like crazy from it, but I love it and I’m sure I’d appreciate it more if I were anywhere else. But I want more. I think routine is really getting to me, I’m tired of it. I want a change, It doesn’t have to be permanent, a temporary one will do. I wish I could just get away on my own, as far away from here as possible. Just for a month at least. See different people, different places. Experience something different, experience change.
I’m so tired of uni, I’m tired of seeing the same people every day. I’m losing my drive. I was an enthusiastic student not long ago, but I can feel it slipping now, at the most important time of my degree. I need to somehow get my drive back, be more enthusiastic. It’s a lot easier said then done. I’m sure a change in routine will solve that. Step one of change would be identifying the problem. I’d imagine. And I know the problem. I’ve seen it coming for a while now.
I think I’m too focused on the end goal - graduating and taking a long break. That’s probably not a good idea. I’m typing all this straight from my strange brain, it’s all raw, so if it doesn’t make sense I apologize. I’m always looking at the future, which can be a good thing, but I seem to be so focused on it that I don’t do anything to make it happen. All I seem to do is wait. It’s the same with everything in my life. I wait for things, I don’t go and get them. I dream and I wait.
I guess I’m still learning though. Everyday is an experience and right now they’re not the best of days, but I suppose you learn more from those. Tomorrow should be one of those days, but hey, I look forward to it. Bring it on.